Note: Do not take any of this seriously. If you like Riley, I'm sorry, I don't... If you liked Parker, I'm sorry, I didn't. If you're a Britney Spears fan, again, I'm sorry. This fic was made out of my opnions and mine alone, so don't email me complaining, cause I will delete it. This is strickly humor. And everyone has their own opinions.

The Bronze was more alive than ever, a bunch of people in front of the stage, not dancing, but watching in awe. On stage, sang singer Britney Spears, who had been rumored to be coming to the town for quite some time.

From behind the group, sat the gang at the couch, watching her as well, not in awe, but mostly repulsed.

Xander looked up at Britney with a sigh, "Could the Bronze have gotten lamer?"

"I think it's nice," Willow said with a smile, singing softly with Britney's song "Oops I did it again".

"Willow, shut up." Buffy said sharply, a small smile on her face.

"You know who would be a cute couple?" Xander announced, a big smile on his face, "Britney and Riley."

"Yuck." Buffy smiled, "I wouldn't even give him to my worst enemy, let alone Britney Spears."

"True... which would be worse for who?"

"You honestly think Britney could stand Riley?"

Willow smiled, "But then again, Buffy did..."

"For one horrible year... can you tell me what I saw in him?"

"Absolutely nothing." Angel stood in front of the group, a big smile on his face. "I mean, Com'on Buffy... You just missed me... and went to the first loser who--"

"Second loser. I think I would have stayed with Parker if--"

"If he hadn't been such a player." Willow stated, a smile on her face. "Parker was cute, and he was nice, until--"

"Until He turned into a dog who's only objective was to sleep with the whole college."

"I think he approached me once." Xander smiled.

"Eww, gross." Anya looked repulsed.

"What? Am I so bad that a guy finds me attractive?"

Before Anya could retort, Willow interrupted, "You complete me..." she mocked, then she smiled slightly,

"Alright, that was Jerry Maguire, but still."

"He would have said that." Buffy smiled, "Actually, I think he did..."

"You know, times like these I still had my powers..." Anya grumbled, next to Xander.

Xander's head turned to look at Anya, quickly, giving her a weird look.

Anya caught it, and sighed, "I mean, have the powers, but still be..."

"The Anya we love and adore?" Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

"Well yeah... I'd do Riley and Parker some major damage for you."

"Thanks Anya, but I think Angel did enough damage. Isn't that right, honey?" Buffy looked up at Angel, reaching her hand to him.

He took it, and sat down next to her, "I don't think they knew what hit them."

"Hopefully lots of pain?" Xander smiled at Angel, for the first time in his life.

"Oh yeah, lots of pain." Buffy repeated, smiling.

"Fish boy and dog boy are gone. What did you do with them anyway?"

"Well of course, I tore out their rib-cages and wore them as hats."

Buffy fake laughed, "Ha ha, very funny. No, really."

"I'm serious, Buffy. You wanna come see?"

Buffy smiled slightly, not believing a word he said, but it was all fun and games. "No thanks, I believe ya."

----------------------------------------------

The crowd went wild when Britney finished her last song, and bowed, "Thank you! Thanks, it was great to be here in Sunnydale." She walked off the stage, toward the back of the Bronze, where her bus was waiting outside.

While everyone cheered, the gang still sat at the couch, except Willow who was clapping, screaming at the top of her lungs, "Yeahh!"

"Willow, please, don't make us barf, and sit down."

Anya sighed, "If I was a male vengance demon, she would be my first target."

"If you were a male vengence demon, you wouldn't be here with us... I'd be away... far far away."

"Haha, very funny, Xander." Anya said, sarcastically.

"Oh Com'on you guys, you just don't see what a wonderful person she is."

-------------------------------------------------

"Oh my god, what a bunch of freaks." Britney grumbled, as she stepped out of the Bronze. She turned to one of her dancers and sighed, "I have never seen that many rejects in one room, it's not funny."

Her dancer smiled slightly, pretending to care, and smiled, "You coming Brit?"

"Give me a few minutes, I need some air..."

The dancer jumped on the bus with a few others and the alley was empty, besides Britney. She sighed, and leaned against the building.

"Britney... Britney..." A voice called, deep within the alley.

"What is it?" She called out, interested.

"It's Brian." The voice called out, still in the alley, "You need to help me, Britney. I'm hurt... I can't move..." Brian was one of Britney's dancers. She was very close to him, the two even had something going on off-stage.

"I'm coming, Bri." She ran down the alley, until she was surrounded by darkness. No one was there. Not a soul. But why would there be anything with a soul in the dark alley? "Brian?" She called out, walking slowly down the alley.

"Britney..." The voice said, one more time, and then, was covered by a terrifying scream. And a body dropped to the ground.

"Bri--" She called out, but her mouth was covered, by someone behind her.

"Britney.... Britney Spears." The man laughed slightly, holding onto her tightly, "How would you like to answer man's greatest question..." He threw her against the Brick wall, in the darkness. She couldn't see him, but he could see her.

"Qu... Question?"

"Yeah... Real or fake? Com'on Brit... Tell me..."

"They're real! You god damn psycho!"

"Wrong answer."

She felt a sting rush through her whole body, as she was bitten. She cried out, "Help! Help!" But no one could hear her. Her voice was muffled by his cold hand. Minutes later, another body could be heard falling to the ground.

---------------------------------------

"Tragic news today," A news reporter said, on the television. She was standing in that very alley that Britney was in the previous night, but it was day.

"Last night, while Britney Spears was in town singing at the local club, the Bronze, she was murdered behind the club, in this alley." The reporter pointed to a group of police surrounding the body, "The police have yet to give us any information on this murder, but they do know that she was repeatedly beaten with a barbecue fork." They can tell us this," The news reporter glanced down at a piece of paper in front of her, holding back a laugh, "They're fake."

Buffy looked at the tv and smirked, "A Barbecue fork? Oh com'on. How dumb are the police in this city?"

"Extremely." Angel came behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "Now enough of the news..." He took the remote and turned off the tv, then kissed Buffy's cheek. "It's our time now... No more time to worry about..."

"Riley?" Buffy smiled as Angel turned her around, wrapping his arms around her.

"Yes, Riley." He leaned in and kissed her softly, "I told you, lover, they're history." He pulled her into the next room, and seen across the room was a coat hanger, hanging, a few hats, a coat, and two rib-cages. Angel wasn't kidding.

Send feedback to Primeval Slayer

Back to the Fanfiction Archive